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MickeyAs Disneyland, long recognized as “The Happiest Place on Earth,” celebrates its 60th anniversary, some not-so-happy news from the iconic mega-corporation has been overlooked by the mainstream media. Roger Conejo, an investigative reporter with the Orange County Banner, discovered last Friday that Mickey Mouse, beloved mascot and worldwide ambassador for the Disney brand has filed divorce paperwork in Orange County (CA) Court. Though they portray as dating on-screen and in comics, Mr. and Mrs. Mouse have in fact been married in their private lives for the past 84 years.

Mouse gave an exclusive interview to Conejo, who has been a longtime friend of the rodent for the past 18 years, in which he confirmed that the relationship has unfortunately run its course.

Clarifying a comment Mouse gave to Conejo, the reporter asked, “So, why did it take you more than eight decades to realize Minnie has mental issues?”

In his well-recognized falsetto voice, Mouse responded, “I never said that this has anything to do with Minnie’s mental health.”

Conejo apologized, insisting that Mr. Mouse did indeed tell the reporter that Minnie is crazy.

“I never said she’s crazy,” admonished the gloved mouse. “I said she’s f*ck*ing Goofy.”

Mr. and Mrs. Mouse are expected to reach an out of court settlement sometime in mid-August.