Secretary of Education Arne Duncan today called an emergency conference to explore the validity and authenticity of school. In response to recent comments from Willow and Jaden Smith, power children of indispensable superstars Jada and Will Smith, Duncan sheepishly acknowledged he had no idea things are this bad.
“It never dawned on me, what with their riches and well-earned fame, that these two youngsters would have their fingers pressed so tightly to the pulse of public school in America,” he lamented in a press conference late Monday. “We could be doing harm to our nation’s children by not listening to these mavens.”
Duncan’s comments were in reference to statements made earlier by the two Smiths in an interview with T Magazine.
“School is not authentic because it ends,” the male Smith revealed to the interviewer, while dumping several uncomfortable $50 bills out of his skate shoes. The two young Smiths do not attend school in the traditional sense, to which Jaden revealed a little known surprise. “Our school will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to,” he declared in the interview.
“That’s a deep realization that we have never wanted to speak aloud,” Duncan told reporters. “As you know, when one graduates from a traditional school, the learning just stops. It’s the shameful, unspoken truth of our educational system,” the SecEd lamented as he took a moment to ask for a tissue and gather his thoughts. “There has always been this — I don’t know,” Duncan struggled. “Miss Smith said it better than I ever could.”
He was referring to the youngest Smith’s grammatically creative comment that, “Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.”
Duncan agreed. “They really are, you know. Teenagers. Angsty.”
The Secretary of Education then told reporters he called the meeting, which had consisted of that Tiger Mom so many people were talking about a couple of years ago, Paul Zaloom of the 90s kids science show Beakman’s World, and two members of the Children’s Television Workshop, when he heard that the power siblings were disturbed that school makes kids tired and depressed. He became even more concerned when Willow confessed that traditional school made her depressed, too.
“The fact that what we call ‘normal school’ has caused such trauma for these durable, Olympic-level human beings was hopefully the wake-up call this country needed. ”
Duncan did not take questions from reporters, as he had a follow-up meeting scheduled with the Secretary of Transportation after Willow Smith had also commented, “…car accidents happen every day. Drivers ed? What’s up?”
Please read the linked article above or here for more on this developing story. Then feel free to leave a comment!